As a science writer, I'm often confronted by proponents of a particular belief or claim. Sometimes they want to have a rational debate centering on the quality of evidence; other times they just want to fight. In the worst cases, they won't address the issue at all, but rather just attack me or the science community in general. So I really have to say: It's not us, it's just science.
You're at a séance
Say you're looking for your Uncle Bob
But your spirit guide didn't lock the door knob
We bust in and flip the switch
That's just a parlor trick
Tell your psychic to hit the bricks.
Or you're in Merry Olde England in the countryside
See a crop circle
Must be fifty meters wide
Snap a picture quick
'Cause we're comin' with a thick
Dusty coating of Monsanto
Up in your plant rows.
We got chemicals in here
We got radar, we got calibrated
Meters, every time the cheaters gonna start a
New attack, then we got your back
Break up their alliance
It's not us, it's just Science.
Now your friend shot some footage of an alien
He says it's real
We say you better look again
Check the zipper on the back
And the sticker on the crack
That ET's made out of PVC.
It's like Bigfoot when your buddy says "Watch!"
He shows you 27 pixels
And he's says "That's Sasquatch
Or a Yeti or an ape from Mongolia."
But it's just pareidolia.
We got analysts in here
We got Photoshop, doing our
Inspection, checking the reflections
And the tricks
Send them back where they came from
With intellectual napalm.
Now your kid's in school and he's got a cough
And the principal thinks he's lookin' kinda soft
It's time for vaccination
But the hater nation
Say they're anti-vax
Well we say that's whack.
They say it just feels right
That it's just common sense
But extraordinary claims need extraordinary evidence
Anecdotes fails because of confirmation bias
It's not us, it's just Science.
So what's your star sign?
Never mind, 'cause they'll tell you
What you want to know
Stroke your ego, put you on a talk show
Make their pyschic predictions
But it's all fiction.
When push meets shove they shun the fight
Creeping back online to conspiracy websites
Make you pay to click the link
Banking small time cash
'Cause they got you not to think.
We got logic up in here in full supply
Bring your A game
If you want to fool the skeptical eye
If you can prove what you say we'll make you filthy rich
But you best not glitch.
We got a million dollar prize if you got what it takes
Nothing makes our day like busting fakes
So don't frown if we mark you down
For non-compliance
It's not us, it's just Science.
